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High-Camp
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The Toxic Avenger
An American cult classic. Virtually ignored when it was first
release, The Toxic Avenger later caught on and became a
successful midnight movie must at NYC's famed Bleecker Street
Cinema. The stereotypical 98 pound weakling gets
contaminated with irradiated toxic waste and then bursts into
flames. He is transformed into a hideously deformed
crime-fighting creature of superhuman size and strength . . .
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Cannibal! the
Musical
A student film directed by Trey Parker (South Park creator)
when he was at the University of Colorado. A campy black
comedy about six prospectors in 1873 who head off from Utah to
stake claims in the newly discovered gold fields in Colorado.
Well, they get lost (for a long time) and only one guy makes it
to Colorado . . .
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Chopper Chicks
in Zombietown
Chopper Chick (female motorcycle gang) roll into a town full
of murderous zombies controlled by an evil mortician.
Zombies attack the towns people, blind school children and
innocent midgets. Chopper Chicks trick the zombies with
the hint of an easy meal and destroy them all . . . saving the
day.
Stars Billy Bob Thornton before he was famous, and features
Martha Quinn.
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Worst of the Worst
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Stop-Loss
The only way to get people in the theatre on this one is by
"Court Subpoena."
Pathetically mediocre (at best) this poorly executed attempt at
an anti-war film demonstrates the director's (Peirce's) obvious
contempt of her audience. Bad acting and horrible attempts
at Texan accents by actors who have obviously never been to the
U.S. much less heard a Texas accent. Stop-Loss is more
related to the movies profits then it's content. Stop-Loss
. . . just stop!
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Completely Tasteless and Crude
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(just about any film from Lloyd
Kaufman)
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Poultrygeist: Night of the
Chicken Dead
Chicken zombies attack a fast-food restaurant . . . yes,
that's pretty much it!
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Terror Firmer
The quintessential exploitation film "trashy and over-the-top
gratuitous. The plot: A low budget film crew creating a
movie is preyed upon by a sexually-conflicted bomb-wielding
serial killer Dead bodies, perversion, love triangles,
mortal peril . . . and loaded with blatant plugs for the
director's other movies.
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Tales from the Crapper
Even the crudest person on the planet will appreciate the
crudeness of this film.
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SciFi Bombs |
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The
Hulk (2003)
Even if you are a life-long fan of the comic book, the most
'Incredible' thing about this movie is how boring, ponderous, and
badly done it really is . . . but it may be a great sleep aid! |
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Roller
Ball
This one should be called "Morons on Wheels," the original
Roller Ball flick sucked, but they've really topped the "suckiness"
with the remake, this is a complete waste of idle time. |
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Star Trek V: The Final Frontier
For Trekies, this film contradicts the established (fictional)
Star Trek history and it has about as much substance as an empty
Styrofoam cup. |
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Plan 9 from Outer Space
Has been labeled as the "Worst Film Ever" by several film review
organizations and critics . . . and in this case, I must agree
with the critics . . . this is a tragic waste of film stock. |
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Pop Culture
Garbage |
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Shrek the
Third
Disappointing from start to finish with a thin to non-existent
storyline that seems to seek humor in the continual emasculation
of Shrek (isn’t he supposed to be an ogre?) Pales in contrast to
the initial Shrek movie . . . this one is boringly predictable.
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Redline (should have
been called Dreadline)
Pseudo-action film about racing exotic cars, that if it had a
storyline, I'm not sure what it was. Most excitement (I'm
told) was a 'behind the scenes' crash involving Eddie Griffin and
a million dollar Enzo Ferrari. |
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Crossroads
Lightweight and predictable, heavy on commercialization, void of quality
acting, bubble gum diva Britney Spears and friends reunite on a cross
country road trip to a record company audition. |
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Horror-ible |
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The
Queen of the Damned
Erotically charged (so don't take the kids) horror
thriller based on an adaptation of Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles,
follows the budding relationship between the vampire Lestat (turned-rock
star) and a destructive and seductive bloodsucker from Ancient Egypt
played by Aaliyah. |
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Hostel
Seriously sick movie; college students vacationing in Europe fall
prey to an organized club sadistic torturers who regularly kidnap
people to fulfill their deranged fantasies. |
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Amityville 1992:
It's About Time
You've got to be kidding? This is about a clock, not time.
The clock is from the original Amityville house, but it somehow
finds it's way to some guy in California (probably bought it on e
bay) . . . any way, the clock makes bad things and general mayhem
happen when it takes over the family etc.. |
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Action / Adventure |
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Rush Hour 3
This is the third installment in the "they should
have quite while they were ahead" Rush Hour franchise with
Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker. Pathetic from the get go!
From the feeble, sophomoric (and obnoxious) attempts at humor to
the equally over-done ugly-American sentiment, this series is
completely 'out of gas.' Don't waste
your time! |
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Comedy / Satire |
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Blades of Glory:
Pathetically stupid story line of disqualified male ice skaters,
who schemed to keep competing as a male, male ice dancing team.
Obnoxiously over-played character roles as only Will Ferrell and
Jon Heder can do. Only thing funny about this comedy is the mild
lampooning of the sometimes pretentious world of competitive
figure skating. |
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The Master of
Disguise
Beyond sophomoric, perhaps infantile is more descriptive. A
Dana Carvey disaster . . . difficult to sit through. |
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The Adventures of
Pluto Nash
There's a reason why this Eddie Murphy film sat for two years
after completion, and that reason is . . . it sucks. This movie
cost $110 million to produce and earned just $7.1 million (from
people who don't read reviews) . . .
yep, it sucks all right! |
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Monsters and Aliens |
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Godzilla (1998)
A painfully long movie, that doesn't get any better with time. The
Godzilla monster (a gigantic mutated lizard) attacks NYC and lays
eggs in Madison Square Garden. When the eggs hatch, the
chicks emerge as velociraptors . . . how is that even possible? |
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